the guest

It wasn’t until she was inside the house that she realized he had been lying and now was actually a really bad time to visit.

goofy laugh

I couldn’t very well admit that I didn’t like him based on a combination of his laugh, which sounded a lot like Goofy, and the often inappropriate timing of it.

aging friendship

For a while now, I have felt things changing between a dear friend and me.  We have been friends for over half our lives and have become extremely close as we weathered high school and our rollercoaster 20’s together.  As we now move into our 30s and get more established in our lives, change of course is inevitable.  We’ve always been different people with different experiences and attitudes about life, and for a long time those differences were what made us such good friends.  But the past few years our lives have taken significantly different paths and we’ve stopped overlapping so much.  Lately I’ve started to feel the chasm growing between us.

I cannot help but lament that a friendship that once seem rock steady, damn near impossible to move, has in fact started to crumble in places and shake in others.  It shows wear and tear at the edges.  Now we’ve got conversation topics that are off limits, bruises that weren’t there before, things we won’t tell the other.  What I haven’t yet determined if this is just one of the harder seasons that make up a tried and true friendship or if this is plain and simply the end of one.

On one hand I don’t want to say that.  Still I have moments and stories that I want to share with her, things that she would laugh at or things that she would get me to laugh at.  On the other hand I feel, if not relief, something very much like it.  I’m not hearing the edge in her voice when she gives advice I didn’t ask for, the edge in my own when I reply.

Is this just how it goes with any relationship, regardless of friendly or romantic?  Does every friendship come to place where you can no longer give the other person the benefit of the doubt?  Does every friendship eventually run out of patience and kindness?  Do I fight for this friendship or do I let time and laziness do their thing?  How do you know when it’s time to pack it in, call it a day?

i've been told i'm picky

Here’s why you don’t let your friends to try to set you up: if you meet the person and are not interested in this supposedly perfect-for-you mate, said friend will blame you for being “too picky.”  I was recently accused of this, to which my response was “you knew this about me.”  

Even though my friend had good intentions, the truth of the matter is that she and I are attracted to totally different men.  For example, she hates long hair on guys, and I assume she’s never seen Brad Pitt in “Legends of the Fall.”  Every time this guy would change his Facebook picture (which was pretty often, especially for a dude) she’d tell me go to look, as if all it took was the right angle.  How you do tell your friend that her friend is, well, ugly?  You don’t.  So I would remark on some random detail in the picture.  “Oh, there’s a bag of Cheetos in the corner of the picture.  Cheetos are good.”  

When I finally met the guy I was already tired of hearing about him, which meant it was doomed before it started.  And he didn’t dazzle me anymore in person than he did through his Facebook picture.  I’m not saying I need to be dazzled per se, but there has to be a little spark, right?  Otherwise there’s no difference between talking to a guy you’re actually interested in or in talking to the mailman.

At the end of the night, my friend asks me the dreaded “sooooo, what did you think?”  I told her the truth: he was kinda awkward.  He tried too hard to be funny, song writing as a “passion” isn’t as cool at 30 as it sounded 20, and not all guys with long hair look like Brad Pitt in “Legends of the Fall.”  Thanks for trying, but there was no love connection.  And you’d have thought I had told my friend I was joining the GOP.  I got the eye roll and then the word “picky” was tossed out there in a tone as if we were talking about a turd in the pool.  

I know my friend is disappointed I didn’t make more of an effort, but if there’s just one part of a relationship that shouldn’t require effort it’s the initial Interested phase.  Call it being picky if you must, but I prefer to avoid kissing frogs when I know they are frogs.

a date

I went on a date recently. He took me to a comedy club and we had a nice enough time. By the end of the night there was definitely potential for a second date; we both agreed on that. And then he went and screwed it all up. With texting.

I’m of the generation that saw the birth of the internet. I played Oregon Trail, dealt with “dial-up” and “busy signals,” and probably have a floppy disk or two saved among some old games of MASH and Tiger Beat pictures of Joey Lawrence. While I may have some fancy apps on my phone, I get weirded out when a guy wants to be Facebook friends before the date is even over.

So the evening comes to a close and the next morning the text messages start. One quick note would have been sweet, but suddenly I’m dealing with close to a dozen messages before noon and we have a problem. I shoot a couple responses back at lunch, and then it’s back to work. Only not for this guy, even though he claimed to have a day job.

A day and a half later, I’m claustrophobic from text messages, a voice message, and the Edible Arrangement sent to my office. (My coworkers send their thanks, by the way. The chocolate covered strawberries in particular were a hit.) Another woman, most likely one who’s three to seven years younger, would have eaten all that up. Literally and figuratively. Me? You do all that in the 36 hours after just one date and I’m seriously considering a restraining order.

All that to say, dating in the age of instant communication is hard. Texts and emails make it really easy for someone to share a thought without thinking about it first, and social media gives you a sense of a person, realistic or not, without really have to put in any effort. It also makes you feel like you’re on a date that never ends, instead of giving you the space you need to be able to look forward to date no. 2.

welcome back, dollface.

Someone asked me recently if I was still blogging.  My short answer was no.  But around the same time the topic came up in separate conversation and my response was “there are already too many opinions out there.” 

But I got to thinking about writing and how I miss it.  And I realized that for the first time in a very long time I have words to put to paper.  I’ve let this blog thing lie dormant for two years which is probably good, because anyone reading this hopefully isn’t so close to my personal life that this gets awkward.  Though it might.  Which is just how it goes sometimes when you’re friends with me.

All that to say, I’m going to try and write once a week.  Okay, twice a month.  No need to go buck wild.